This year, to put it frankly, has been shit.
It’s been a fair while since I’ve touched base. I’ve been trying to deal with the myriad of shit that has followed my assault.
Since my assault, I’ve been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, seen so many different counsellors only to be shunted around until, finally, in November, I managed to see the head of mental health at our local hospital.
The post traumatic stress has meant I am unable to work, as it’s brought on severe depression, severe anxiety, moderate panic disorder, insomnia, trichotillomania, restlessness, loss of appetite, loss of energy and weight gain. Huzzah!
Aside from the mental and physical things that have happened since the unfortunate incident, there’s been a whole lot of other things that have gone wrong too. The decision to cancel our trip to France really hurt, but was necessary as I really wasn’t well enough to leave the country. So hopefully we’ll be able to go sometime in the near future.
My partner and mother also lost their jobs. So not only have I spent the last 7 months recovering from my assault, but for the better part of 5 months, I’ve also been under a lot of financial strain. My workplace also decided to let me go and replace me. Which I understand, as they couldn’t wait for me forever, but they’d told me to take my time and just focus on me. So it came as a shock to be let go from a job where I’d been rewarded for my top sales skills.
I won’t lie, it has been really hard, and it still is.
I still wish very terrible things on the people that have caused me this pain. The fact that they have tried their hardest to tarnish my reputation whilst defending a rapist absolutely disgusts me. It really goes to show how far we have to go as a community to win the fight against rape culture.
What can I look forward to in 2014?
At this stage, I don’t know. Hopefully, with the help of the medical professionals around me, I’ll be ready to take on the world again. My partner will have a job, so things like “Can we afford food?”, “Do we have to sell the car?” and “Will we have enough money for our mortgage repayment?” won’t be things that are filling my mind every other day. Things will start to feel normal again.
One thing I am doing next year is Shave For A Cure. This is a fantastic fundraising event, raising much needed funds for blood cancer research. I’m hoping for 2 outcomes;
1. That I reach my goal.
and 2. That I have enough hair left to actually shave it off and have it make an impact.
The thought of shaving my hair is both scary and exciting. So that is something huge to look forward to.
Another thing I have to look forward to is the Soundwave tour. I managed to get a ticket for next March. I am very excited, as my favourite band, AFI, are playing. Seeing them, especially after the year I have had, will just fill me with such immense joy.
This is a very rushed and quick post, but I am hoping to come back to posting regularly, but about my artistic conquests, cooking adventures and other shenanigans of a (hopefully!) more pleasant nature.
My biggest goal for next year though:
To take a leaf out of Ricky Vasquez’s book and completely own the dance floor that is life.
I hope you all have a fantastic 2014 and join me in dancing like you just don’t care.