Not Your Typical Resolutions Post

So 2012 was not the kindest to me.

Now I don’t want to sound like a whiny bitch, because I know that so many people had a much worse year than me, and I definitely have plenty to be thankful for going into 2013, but this year is going to be all about fixing last year’s mess.

I will start this story at the end of 2011. At the age of 21, I had successfully purchased my first house after saving for 18 months, started a new job which came with a pay increase, and moved my little family (my partner, pigeon and dog) into our big, shiny new house!

2012 was looking to be a year of new starts. It was going to be awesome and I was excited. Our local repertory club put on a production of Chicago. Not being the biggest fan of the director, I had my hang ups about auditioning, but decided that hey, I am at my peak of physical fitness, can sing and dance, so why not?!

During the audition (a group audition by the way, which is 10 times worse for the nerves) I had my small fumbles. My voice cracked during my audition piece, and I apologised for my anxiety induced moment of pubescence. We then moved on to the monologue. I nailed it. So I was counting on the dance section of the audition to bring it home.

They wanted us to audition as a group, showed us the routine and we had to memorise and do it. It was pretty basic, with plenty of jazz hands and a couple of high kicks. I was brilliant, in time, tits and teeth out – then came the high kick.

It was not high at all. I put it down to not being properly warmed up. I am someone who did gymnastics and ballet as a child, stopped as a teenager, piled on a bucket of weight at 13 (30 kg to be exact), decided to be healthy again at 17, picked up my dancing again (with the addition of yoga and pilates, naturally), and lost 33kg.

I was nimble, light and flexible. High kicks shouldn’t have been an issue. But it was. I was cast as a space filler, but went in with the aim of having fun.

Over the next few weeks I noticed I was stumbling, tripping, had numbness in my left leg,pain in my lower back and a lump protruding from my lower back. So I decided it was time I see a doctor. To cut an already long story short, the wait to find out if this lump was cancer was agonising, but it wasn’t and I was so relieved  That was one thing to be thankful for last year.

The bad news was, this little space invader was a tumour of the non cancerous kind. It had appeared so fast that it had done a number on my body and made my muscles in my stomach, leg and foot forget what they were meant to be doing. So the solution was to scale back my physical activity so I wouldn’t risk injuring myself further and start the long road to recovery with physiotherapy.

So I had to drop out of the play, which was a big drama unto itself. Apparently that was the last time I’d ever be cast in one of her plays. No loss there really.

The best decision I ever made during all of this was keeping my personal drama off of the big book of face. I knew if I posted about my non cancerous tumour, word would spread and, as Chinese whispers goes, I’d become “The girl that lied about having cancer”. My reputation could not take a hit like that and I would hate for anyone to think I was trying to pull focus onto myself.

So began the gruelling process of recovery. Having once been so physical and then being so restrained was really hard. The inevitable weight gain was the worst. My new job required me to be seated for 8 hours anyway, and because I was so restricted in my activity at home, watching the weight creep on was, at first, very difficult.

I then decided that, instead of wallowing, I would just go with it. I certainly couldn’t help being in the position I was in, so 2012 would be the year of being chubby.

Now we are in 2013 and last week, after months and months of physical therapy, I was given the all clear to start building back up to what I used to do, under the guidance of my beautiful physiotherapist.

So this isn’t your normal “This year, I will be fit and healthy” , this is the promise I made to myself to let my body recover and take it one step at a time. This year is about getting back to normal and loving my body for the amazing things it can do and how resilient it has been in the past 12 months.

I couldn’t imagine how much worse this scenario would have been if I couldn’t keep up the light walking I’ve been doing to try to maintain some of my fitness.

To reward myself for all the hard work I am about to do, again, for the second time in my life, I booked a walking tour of the Bordeaux region in France.

2013 will be all about shedding these 10 kg I have gained this past year and enjoying every day and every bit of movement I am able to do. I am thinking of signing back up for dance classes too.

Cheesy? Absolutely, but I am game! Thanks you to those who stayed with me for that essay of sorts. It means the world to me to be able to share it. I look forward to posting updates about my progress.

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